do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
