I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
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There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
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Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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