It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize