You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
