god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
