I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
