remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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