didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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