It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
did i walk over a car last night?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
