She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
