no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
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After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
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Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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