On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
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I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
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I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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