Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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