I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
