You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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