Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
