i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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