I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
