this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
