Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
