The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
