The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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