I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
