You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
