Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just found a bag of teeth...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
