Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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