when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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