2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
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That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
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In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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