Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
