Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
