it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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