im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
