i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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