it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
