i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
