I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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