I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
