He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
