One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
