Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
