I must be too annoying 4 u.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
