my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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