is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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