apparently the secret to your success is patron
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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