Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
