I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
