she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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