if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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