found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
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A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
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Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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