I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
