I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
