Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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