so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
