i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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