Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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