Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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