Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
