***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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