wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
