You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
