Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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