Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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