Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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