put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
