I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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