Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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