I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
