I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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