If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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