i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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