My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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