Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
