She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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