i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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